True Feelings
by Light's Devil
Summary: Light HATES L. He's SUPPOSED to hate L because he IS Kira. But what does Light TRULY feel for L? LxLight
1. Chapter 1

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V**

My own feelings confuse me these days.

I'm supposed to hate him, aren't I? He's trying to send me to my execution, for god's sake!

But, ever since we started working on the Kira case, I'm not so sure about what I'm supposed to do...

If I let him live, he'll eventually find me out and send me to my execution. He might find out about Misa first and test the 13 day rule that Ryuk made up and find out that it was a lie, and after that, supsicion will crawl right back to me again. This time, I don't know if I could make an excuse for everything that he asks me...he'll find out eventually; see through my lies, and find out that I am Kira...and I'll most certainly die...or sent to prison for the rest of my life...I vaguely wonder which would be worse; execution, or to rot in a prison cell.

Yeah, the second alternative is the worst of the two.

I don't want to kill him...I really don't...but what am I supposed to do then?! Let him live and therefore spell my own death?!

Now I wish that I never picked up that stupid notebook.

Why does the human heart have to be so damned complicated?

Why did it make me fall in love with the very person I'm supposed to kill? Why, I ask you?

You probably are drawing a blank, just as I have.

Now, as I look at you, leaning over the monitors and munching on a sweet...god, I don't know how you can eat so many and not get fat...I know that my heart is telling me not to kill you but my mind is saying otherwise.

Somehow, you sense me staring at you and turn to look at me, cocking your head in confusion. "Is something wrong, Light-kun?"

Your voice startles me, just as it always has for the past couple of days. "No, not really...Ryuzaki."

That confused look never leaves your face, but you accept my answer, nodding your head and going back to look over the Kira suspects, namely Misa.

I get weird stares from everyone in the room, but I barely notice them. I just sit on the chair next to you and do my hacking work on the computer.

Though I don't even notice that you're looking at me, concern painted on your face.

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V**

Don't think that I haven't noticed your stares, Light-kun.

I constantly notice that you are staring at me, with a look on your face that can be described as pained, lost.

Though I wonder why. What have I done to envoke these emotions from you, Light-kun?

From the best of my knowledge, I've only worked on the Kira case, and focusing on Misa Amane as the main suspect as the second Kira.

I still suspect you, Light-kun, but for some reason, thinking of sending you to your death pains me in a way that I never thought possible.

Maybe you're still upset that I suspect you and your girlfriend?

But, you told me yourself that your relationship with Misa-san was one sided...so she wouldn't be your girlfriend...maybe she means nothing to you?

Does anybody matter in your life, Light-kun?

Or are you just someone who doesn't trust; more namely, AFRAID to trust. It took almost everything I had to not push the matter farther when you told me nothing was wrong. Yet, I know something is wrong. I am the world's greatest detective, after all. They don't call me that for no reason.

I am determined to find out what is wrong with you, Light-kun. Why you give me stares with such pain in your eyes.

And I want to try to find out why I feel this way about you.


	2. Chapter 2

Quick AN: Well, thank you to the people that reviewed and to the people that added this to favorites or alerts. Glad that people liked this so far.

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

Well, another day has gone by.

Another day and I still don't understand my feelings; more namely, I don't understand MYSELF.

Misa came by to see me today, and to be perfectly honest, I didn't listen to a word that came out of that skank's mouth.

Something tells me that she just wants to sleep with me and nothing else. Not because she 'loves me' and all that love crap. Mostly, people get with me just to spend a night in my bed.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with someone that would actually LOVE me for what I am, not because of my looks.

But I guess that would be next to impossible, wouldn't it?

Does love even exist in this world anymore, or do people just have sex for no reason?

The person may claim they love you, but right after you sleep with them, they leave and dispose of you like last year's trash.

I should know; it's happened to me more then once.

Just maybe...I might find someone, someone in this world...who wouldn't leave me after that.

I look over at the monitors again, just staring at them; like they would give me answers to my questions.

Of course, the fucking screen just stares back at me; like it is mocking the pain that I feel.

Ah, why the hell do I care about this anyway? I'm KIRA. I'm not SUPPOSED to feel LOVE or any sympathetic emotion.

But, why do I feel like this then?

"I don't think anything is going to happen with you having a staring match with the computer screen, Light-kun."

I jolt, surprised.

A hand is placed on my shoulder as if to calm me down. "It's just me. No one else."

I turn around...

And come face to face with YOU. "R-Ryuzaki?"

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V.**

You didn't notice me, that much is true.

But I noticed YOU, Light-kun. I noticed your pained stares at the computer monitor, like it would give you answers to a question that you don't understand.

I am still confused about yesterday; why you gave me the exact same pained stare that you are giving the computer screen right now.

I still wonder what I have done to evoke such strong emotions from you, Light-kun.

Before, you would just do your work, not giving anyone a second glance. But, after a few days, you begin to stare at me.

First with confusion, then it evolves into pain.

Pain for what?

That is a question that I have yet to find an answer to.

"Ryuzaki?"

Your voice brings me back to reality, and I look at you, your brown eyes filled with confusion. But the same pain is hidden well.

I still notice it though. It's become easy for me to see the hidden emotions in peoples' eyes.

Call it a natural talent, if you will.

I sit on a chair beside you, and you cock your head, the same confused look on your face.

"Why are you still here?" you ask, confusion in the tone.

"I thought I could run some more things in before I went to my room. What are you still doing here?"

You look down, your eyes becoming clouded; glazed, and the pain is easily read. "I...I'm not sure. I was going to leave, but then...I don't know why I'm still here."

That look is one of the most pain filled looks that I have ever seen. It is like you are hiding a grave secret; something that you can't tell anyone.

Does that secret pain you, Light-kun?

"If you need help with whatever you have to do, I don't mind." you say, the faintest trace of a smile on your lips.

"I would appreciate it." I reply, and you nod.

So, that is how the night ended, and I have yet to understand the feelings that I feel whenever I see you.

One day, I know I will understand them.

Also, I know that the pained look will be erased from your eyes forever.

Quick ending AN: This update is quicker then I would usually update, but I had free time on my hands, so this came along. I also know that this chapter isn't as great as the last. Hope you can bear with me on that.


	3. Chapter 3

Quick A.N: Again, here's another fast update. Enjoy.

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

It's almost been a week, now.

A week since I began to lose sight of myself; lose sight of staying Kira.

Misa is still killing criminal. I frankly don't care if she keeps it up.

Actually, I don't care about her AT ALL.

She could be in the electric chair declaring her feelings for me, and I'd just stare at her.

I feel nothing for her...nothing at all.

I guess what she said before was true; I knew of her feelings and took advantage of them.

Do I feel remorse for that?

Absolutely not.

Does that make me inhuman?

Well, I'll leave that up to you.

I only feel for one person, and he's completely blind of it.

I laugh to myself. How can he be called the 'world's greatest detective' and be so blind to human emotions?

I guess that the name 'detective' just refers to criminal work. Catching criminals, you know what I'm talking about.

Right now, he's after ME.

Well, he's going after Misa right now, but like I said; once the thriteen day rule is proved to be fake, suspicion will rear it's ugly head right at me.

Now I understand why thirteen is considered to be an 'unlucky number'.

The number thirteen could spell my death...by the person that I love.

Ironic, isn't it?

You love someone, and you die by their hand.

That hasn't happened yet...but it will happen; when they catch Misa, it will happen...

No use trying to sugar coat the truth, huh?

Slowly but surely, my death is close...

Maybe closer then I think.

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V.**

"So, has Misa-san done anything unusual?"

Matsuda flips through some paper that is stapled together, and shakes his head. "No; the only strange thing is that criminal's started dying after she was released. That DOES make her a prime suspect, doesn't it?"

"Mmm...yes it does."

Matsuda looks over. "Hey, why is Light having a staring match with the computer? Nothing's going to get done with him just doing that."

He begins to walk over, when I stop him. "Leave him, Matsuda-san. Light-kun seems to have a lot on his mind; let him sort out his thoughts in peace."

"Sure, but Ryuzaki..."

"Hmm?"

Matsuda hesitates. "Well...uh...it seems to me that you're giving him special treatment...any reason why? Or is it personal?"

That surprised me. Special treatment?

I look over at you; you are still staring at the computer with a blank stare, I may be hallucinating, but I thought I saw the faintest trace of a tear going down your face.

"Well...Light-kun is a teenager. So, I don't think I have to work him as hard as the rest of you. You are all with the police. Light-kun is just a regular teenager who was suspected of being Kira and then cleared..."

Matsuda laughs. "Yeah, I guess you're right." he turns then. "Hey, Light! Anything interesting pop up on the computer screen yet?!"

I sigh and slap my forehead. Should have known stupid Matsuda wouldn't listen to me.

"What?!" you exclaim, swirling around in the chair; glaring at Matsuda. "Oh, that was SO funny. Stupid jerk."

"Isn't that a little harsh?" Matsuda says, trying his best to sound hurt.

"Jerk." you repeat, then go back to the computer, angrily pounding on the keys.

"Matsuda-san, that was not neccesary."

Matsuda sweatdtops. "Man, Light has developed an attitude, hasn't he?"

Suddenly, a book flies through the air and hits Matsuda square in the head; knocking him unconscious.

"That's what you get." you say, a smug smirk on your face.

For the first time in a long while, I laugh.

Quick ending A.N: Well, I decided to add a not-so-depressing chapter. Again, you guys are making me update fast. Usually, I would take longer then this. So...enjoy the fast updates while you can. =p


	4. Chapter 4

A.N: This update isn't as fast as my previous two, but it still is fast, right? Anyway, I have new readers. That put a smile on my face. Enjoy the next installment.

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

I think that I am having a mental breakdown.

I don't know why I feel that way...but I just do.

Slowly, Misa is being uncovered...and after that...

I will be uncovered as the true Kira.

I know Misa will never tell on me; but I know that Ryuzaki, being the detective that he is, he'll know that Kira is me. After that...

I don't want to think of what would happen after that.

All of a sudden, a song comes on into my ears, a song that I don't remember putting on my Ipod.

I listen to the lyrics, going into my own little world...

_How can I decide what's right  
When you're clouding up my mind?  
I can't win your losing fight  
All the time._

_Not gonna ever own what's mine  
When you're always taking sides?  
But you won't take away my pride.  
No, not this time.  
Not this time._

_How did we get here?  
When I used to know you so well.  
But how did we get here?  
Well, I think I know._

_The truth is hiding in your eyes  
And it's hanging on your tongue.  
Just boiling in my blood.  
But you think that I can't see  
What kind of man that you are,  
If you're a man at all.  
Well, I will figure this one out  
On my own.  
(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")  
On my own.  
(My thoughts you can't decode)_

_How did we get here?  
When I used to know you so well, yeah.  
But how did we get here?  
Well, I think I know._

_Do you see what we've done?  
We've gone and made such fools  
Of ourselves.  
Do you see what we've done?  
We've gone and made such fools  
Of ourselves._

_How did we get here?  
When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah.  
How did we get here?  
Well, I used to know you so well.  
I think I know.  
I think I know._

_There is something I see in you.  
It might kill me.  
I want it to be true._

After the song ends, I open my eyes. It seems like this song is describing what I am feeling right now.

I feel like I know you, but I really don't.

I know that I love you, but you don't even know.

"Hey, Light." someone says, and I turn.

"What?"

"Misa-san is here to see you." Matsuda says; and I sigh heavily.

When will she take the hint that I don't love her?

I don't even LIKE her, for fuck's sake.

She's just a pain in the ass; someone who can't, or WON'T, leave me alone.

Today I'll tell her that I don't love her...

And to piss off of my life.

_The Lobby_

"Light!" Misa exclaims as soon as she sees me, running towards me with her arms outstreched.

I dodge her easily; she looks at me, confused. "Light? What's wrong?"

"Listen, Misa..." I begin, and she cocks her head. "I don't love you. Moreover, I don't even LIKE you. You're like an annoying itch that I can't scratch, and it's starting to piss me off."

"W-What do you mean?" she asks, her eyes watering. Such a pathetic sight.

"I'm sorry for leading you on for so long; I just don't feel for you the way you feel for me."

"A-After everything we've been through, you're just going to blow me off?! Just like that!?" she exclaims angrily, her face turning red.

I laugh; and Misa shivers. "Misa, I know what girls' like you want. They just want to sleep with every guy they meet; make fake claims of love and then dump the person like last years' garbage. I'm sorry to tell you, I'm not as stupid as those other guys you fucked. So, piss off of my life, and find some other guy to wow over. It should be easy enough for a skank like you."

After that sentence, I walk off; leaving Misa to stare after me with her mouth agape and her eyes wide.

As a last minute resort, I turn to face her. "Oh, and you might want write your will."

_The main room_

"That's so much better." I say, streching my arms.

It feels like some of the dead weight is off of my chest, but not all of it.

Misa will definitely kill more then just criminals now; since she's pissed off. She probably won't even try to hide it anymore.

Go ahead Misa...kill all of the people you want.

You'll be found out. I know you will.

Maybe I'll rat you out, since you are someone who deserves to die.

I'll be found out eventually as well...but there's no point in me trying to deny that any longer.

If I am executed one day...I hope it will be by the one that I love.

Is that such a selfish request?

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V.**

So...you have officially broken up with Misa-san, Light-kun.

Though you were unaware of it, I was watching you from the security cameras in the lobby.

I have to admit; you were pretty harsh to her.

Your last sentence confuses me, though.

_'Oh, and you might want to write a will.'_

Write a will? Does that mean my suspicion about Misa-san being the second Kira is true?

And you knew all along, Light-kun?

But that means...if she is the second Kira....

Then YOU are Kira, Light-kun?!

I had a feeling that you were Kira, but...

I don't want you to be Kira.

I don't want to be the one to send you to your death; to your execution.

This feeling...is this what is called 'love'?

You don't want a person to die; and you'll do anything to prevent it from happening?

If it came down to it, I would prevent your execution.

I would not let you die, Light-kun.

Maybe I could convince you to stop the Kira killings.

They seemed to lessen in this past two weeks...does that mean you want to stop being Kira?

The one that is killing criminals right now is, without a doubt, Misa-san.

You are not killing criminals...so...

"Hey, Ryuzaki?" a familiar voice asks, confusion and concern in the tone. "What's up?"

I turn around in my chair, and look at you.

Your head is tilted sideways, almost in a cute fashion, and concern is on your face.

"Nothing really, Light-kun."

Concern is replaced with confusion. "But no-one just stares at nothing with such a...how can I put it...pained look on their face. I should know, I've done it more then once..."

This time, confusion is replaced with sadness. Great sadness.

But why are you so sad, Light-kun?

Could it be...?

No, it couldn't...

It couldn't be...

Do you...love me, Light-kun?

Is that why you give me such saddened; pained, lost looks?

Because you are Kira and you love me?

You love the one that is trying to kill you?

If that is the case, we are the same.

I love the one I am supposed to be after; the person that I am supposed to send to their execution.

"Light-kun..." I begin, and you look at me, confusion and slight shock on your face.

"What is it, Ryuzaki?"

"Do you...love someone?"

Your eyes go wide, and your hand reaches up; gripping the fabric over your heart.

"I...I..." you say, and then sigh. "Yes...I do love someone. What about you, Ryuzaki?"

I think for less then a second. "I do love someone as well..."

You smile slightly. "Ryuzaki...what if I told you that the person I loved was...you?"

I also smile slightly. "Then I would say that I love you as well."

A slight gasp escapes from your lips, and small tears build in your eyes. "R-Ryuzaki..."

I stand up, and pull you into an embrace. "It's all right, Light-kun. Love is never shameful, no matter who it is and what you are."

A small, almost quiet sob escapes from your lips, and you bury your head into my shoulder. "Yes...you're right."

"Even if you are Kira and I am the detective that is trying to hunt Kira down...we will find a way to figure this out."

"Yes..."

Ending A.N: Well, there's the moment that everyone's been waiting for. Does anybody know what the song was called that I used? Oh, and this was six pages long. Longer then usual. Hope you enjoyed that.

Song lyrics were from:

_www.__**lyricsmode.**com_


	5. Chapter 5

A.N: The last chapter felt rushed to some people...sorry about that. I guess that's what happens when things are chaotic at your house and it takes almost forever to even get on a computer. Hopefully this chapter will flow better to some then the last. Enjoy.

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

So...now it's official.

Ryuzaki knows of my feelings...and returns them, no less.

I don't really remember what happened after; I think I passed out.

Who knows from what though.

Maybe from disbelief...or shock.

Ryuzaki thought it was pure exhaustion, because of the way I've been pushing myself lately.

To hide feelings that I was afraid would be rejected.

To hide from my family that I loved someone of the same gender.

It's not that my parents or my sister are homophobic...it's just that I'm afraid to ruin their image of a perfect son and brother.

I don't even know if they would accept me for the person I love.

Something tells me that my dad would be horrified.

I mean, who wouldn't?

His son, who was accused of being Kira, who IS Kira, is dating the detective that is supposed to catch Kira.

His boss, no less.

Why do people have to hide their feelings just because they love someone of the same gender?

I wish I knew...that way I wouldn't have to hide anything from anyone.

I probably would still hide the fact that I am Kira, but...

"Hey, Light?"

I turn around. "Oh, hey Matsuda. What's up?"

For some reason or another, Matsuda looks hesitant. "Well...you dumped Misa yesterday, right?"

"Yeah...so?"

"So...if she is the second Kira...wouldn't she use those powers to kill YOU since you dumped her?"

My eyes widen.

I never thought of that...

"Light?"

I shake my head of my thoughts, looking at Matsuda. "True, but what are the chances that she is the second Kira?"

Matuda flips through some paper. "Well, yesterday, one hour after you dumped her, over ten people died of heart attacks. Regular people; not criminals."

"Oh...I see. But if she truly wanted to kill me, wouldn't she have already?"

"Maybe..."

All of a sudden, a familiar voice breaks our tenseful conversation. "Matsuda-san, weren't you supposed to file those?"

"Oh, sorry. Guess I got sidetracked." Matsuda apologizes, rubbing the back of his head. "By the way, Light, my head still hurts from when you threw that damn book at me."

"That's because you were getting annoying. I'm sure Ryuzaki agrees with me on that regard. Right?" I ask, looking at you.

You shake your head. "Well, Matsuda-san, Light-kun does have a point."

"You guys..." Matsuda fumes, then stomps off. I can almost see the steam coming out of his ears.

I laugh. That was funny to imagine.

"What was with the serious look, Light?"

I turn to face you, smiling slightly. "Um...nothing really..."

"Light..." you say in an almost dangerous voice. "I know when people are lying. I am not called the 'world's greatest detective' for nothing, you know."

I sigh. "Well, if you really want to know...Matsuda was saying that if Misa was the second Kira, she might kill me. Nothing serious."

"Nothing serious?" you ask, almost in a shocked voice. "Light, we have solid facts that suggest that Misa-san IS the second Kira."

"Ryuzaki...if she kills me, she kills me. That should at least rid the world of Kira, wouldn't it?"

You sigh heavily. "Light, listen. Your life is not yours alone any longer."

I cock my head, confused. "What do you mean, Ryuzaki?"

"When someone falls in love with another person and that person returns that affection, their life is also the others'. If one hurts, the other does as well. If one bleeds, so does the other. And...if one dies, the other may not hesitate to follow the one they love, or try to do everything in their power to prevent it."

"Wait!" I exclaim. "Even if Misa kills me, I don't want you to follow me! You could catch her and send her to her execution! If she does kill me and you do that...that would be all I need. I would be avenged..."

Just when I was about to argue even further, your lips press onto mine, silencing me.

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V.**

I didn't want to hear it, Light.

I don't want to hear that Misa-san would kill you just because you dumped her.

I have to catch Misa-san now, before she takes the one person that matters in my life.

I never would have thought that I would go from needing no one to needing you, Light, in a matter of two weeks.

Just when you were about to argue even further, I press my lips to yours, ulimately silencing your arguements.

You have to see, Light.

That without you, even catching the second Kira would be meaningless.

If that cost me you...I don't think I would go through with it.

I would catch the person before they got to you.

Like I said earlier, I'm not called the 'world's greatest detective' for nothing.

I've caught thousands of criminals.

If it was to save the one I love, I would do anything. Anything at all.

The second Kira, Misa-san, would definitely be executed if she was caught.

Now she's killing regular citizens; she might not hesitate to use whatever power the second Kira has and kill you.

Lack of air caused me to pull away, and you just stare; shock on your face mixed with surprise.

"Ryuzaki...you..."

I smile slightly.

"Do not worry, Light. Misa-san WILL be caught before she gets to you. I will make sure of it.

Ending A.N: OCCness, I know. You don't have to tell me. =p Sorry if the ending felt rushed to some.

Also, I had Ryuzaki drop the -kun from the end of Light's name. They're (unofficialy) lovers now, so I don't think he has to be formal when he speaks to Light. Right?


	6. Chapter 6

A.N: Okay, this is going to be rare. Two updates in two days. Enjoy.

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

Another day has passed.

Why am I still alive?

Why hasn't Misa killed me yet? I know that she has the power to.

I know that she is the second Kira.

She might still be in love with me.

If she is, score for me.

That means I can live for a little while longer.

But I wonder for how long...

How long can I be happy until it is ripped away from me?

I wish I knew. That way, I could make my last moments with you worth remembering.

Worth for YOU to remember, that is.

A dead person can't remember.

They're just...dead.

Stone cold dead.

I look at the clock, and the red numbers read 3:45 a.m.

I never went to sleep yet.

Is it that I am afraid to sleep?

Afraid that I will never wake; fall into an eternal slumber?

I don't know.

I laugh to myself; it seems that I never know anything these days.

I didn't know about my feelings at first, I don't know how long I have to live, and to top it off, I'm not sure if I'm afraid to sleep or just don't WANT to.

Great life, isn't it?

Unsure about everything...

"Light?" I hear a voice ask, and turn.

"Oh, hey Ryuzaki. What are you doing up?"

You're just staring at me, your head tilted to one side. "Well I thought I heard something down here, so I thought I'd check it out...and to my surprise, it's you."

"Sorry. I can't sleep; I thought I'd get some work in...you know..."

You sigh heavily. "Light, why must you lie to me? Do you not trust me?"

I shake my head franticly. "N-No! Not at all! It's just..."

You sit on the couch beside me, pulling me against you. "Light. I know that you're afraid that Misa-san may kill you. It's easily to tell."

I lean against your shoulder, sighing. "How the hell do you know me so well when I don't even know MYSELF?"

You laugh lightly. "Normally, a person can read their lovers' emotions like an open book."

I close my eyes, coughing lightly. "Oh, really?"

I feel your hand pressed against my forehead. "Are you feeling alright, Light?"

It feels nice...

"Light?"

I look up, smiling slightly. "Eh, probably just caught a cold. No big deal."

That is all I manage to say before blackness clouds my vision.

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V.**

All of a sudden, your eyes close.

It surprised me when I felt your forehead. It was blazing.

Something tells me that you have more then just a mere cold, Light.

Yet when you fell asleep...or fainted, your breathing becomes a little hoarse.

This can't be...

I know that Kira can kill in more ways then a heart attack, but...

Can the second Kira kill in that manner as well?

If so...

Is Misa-san killing you with a sickness, Light?!

I hope I'm wrong...

I don't...I CAN'T...lose you, Light.

If I lost you...my whole world would fall apart.

I don't know what I would do...

I grip your hand, holding it tightly.

"Please Light...don't leave me. Don't leave me alone..."

-Later that morning...-

Your father has taken you to the hospital, and he's promised to phone when the results come back.

I have never felt more anxious or worried then I am feeling right now.

I look at the clock again.

The red numbers read 12:30.

You left over two hours ago...

All of the sudden, the phone rings.

I pick it up immediately. "Hello?"

_"Ryuzaki?" _Soichiro asks.

"Yes, this is me."

_"Well...Light's test results came back...and they weren't pretty."_

"So...what's wrong with him?" I ask, trying my best to sound calm.

_"It seems that he has delerious fever..."_

Ending A.N: OCCness yet again, and another short chapter. Hope you, the readers, can bear with me on that. OCCness will be happening for a while.

Besides the OOCness and the shortness, hope people enjoyed this.


	7. Chapter 7

A.N: Something tells me that after this story is over, people will hate Misa more then they did. Not that I have a problem with that.

Enjoy the next installment.

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

When I open my eyes, I'm greeted by white.

Looks like a hospital room...but why am I in a hospital?

I hear a annoying beeping noise, and look over.

A heart monitor.

Why would I be hooked up to a heart monitor?

I also notice that something is placed over my mouth.

A oxygen mask.

Again, I ask, why would I have a oxygen mask over my face?

I know that they help people to breathe, but why would I need one?

Then the sick feeling sinks in.

I cough. Man, I never felt like this before.

Feels like I'm on my deathbed.

All of a sudden, a nurse walks in. "Light-san, someone is here to see you."

Then SHE walks in.

She has a smirk on her face. "Hello, **Light-kun**." she says sarcastically. "You don't look that well. Are you sick?"

Since I can't speak, I mouth the words, 'Misa? What are you doing here?'

She laughs. "I just came to see how you're doing. You were supposed to be dead by now."

My eyes widen.

Dead?

Why should I be dead?

Misa smirks at my confused look. "I wrote your name in my Death Note." she says under her breath. "But for some reason, it's not working."

I grip the bedsheets, my knuckles going white.

She wrote MY name in HER Death Note?

Then why the hell am I still alive?

"I remember Rem telling me that the Death Note doesn't take effect if you are in love with the person who's name you wrote in the notebook." she says. "So that must mean I'm still in love with you, even though you broke my heart."

I mentally smirk to myself.

You are in love with the wrong person, Misa.

I'm in love with someone else.

I cough again.

Misa turns to leave, but all of a sudden, she stops. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

I look in the direction she's looking in, and get the shock of my life.

It's Ryuk.

Why is he here?

_"Hello, Misa."_ he says, his own smirk playing on his lips.

"R-Ryuk? What are you doing here?" she asks, shock in her voice.

Ryuk laughs. _"You know, you are one of the most pathetic humans I have ever met. You want to kill Light just because he dumps you and finds happiness with someone else."_

"T-That's not it!" Misa says, anger on her face. "I don't care if he's with some other girl!"

_"You're a little bit off." _Ryuk says. _"It's not a girl he's with."_

"Eh?" Misa wonders, then a light goes off in her head. "W-Wait!" she looks at me. "Light! You're with another _guy_?!"

I look at Ryuk. How does he know that I'm with a guy?

_"The reason your Death Note didn't work..." _Ryuk begins, _"is because __**I**__ prevented it from working."_

"You?!" Misa asks, shocked. "Why?!"

_"It's a simple concept, really. If you want to kill normal people, fine. But one Death Note weilder cannot kill another because two things may happen. One, the person would be protected by thier shinigami, or two, the person that wanted to kill the other weilder would die. And I don' think that you want to die just because you got dumped. Am I right, Misa?"_

Her eyes widen. "I...would've died?" she glares at me then. "You know, Light, you are PATHETIC. You became Kira, and for two weeks straight, you leave it to me. And you fall in love. With a GUY, no less. Do you have any idea how WRONG that is? It's disgusting."

I close my eyes.

I already KNOW that it's wrong, Misa.

You don't have to tell me.

I know that most people are like you.

That's why I have to hide my feelings from everyone in the world.

Except from the one I love.

She turns on her heel and leaves.

I sigh.

Peace and quiet at last.

_"I have to admit, you don't look that great."_ Ryuk says after a minute, breaking the silence. _"She hit you hard with that illness, didn't she?"_

I nod.

After a few more minutes of silence, another nurse comes into the room. "Light-san, you have another visitor."

I cock my head in confusion.

Who else would visit me?

The person walks in; someone I don't recgonize off the top of my head.

_"Well, I'll leave you two alone._" Ryuk says, then disappears.

I look over again at the person.

He looks familiar, but...

He takes off his sunglasses...

And my eyes go to the size of saucers.

It's YOU?

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V.**

I can't help but laugh lightly at your shocked look.

"Hello, Light."

After a second, a smile breaks out on your face, and you grab my hand, spelling something out.

'What are you doing here?'

I smile slightly. "What, I'm not allowed to visit you? I'm hurt."

You shake your head. 'No, I didn't mean it like that. Of course I'm happy that you're visiting me, buy why? Isn't it dangerous for the 'world's greatest detective' to show his face around the general public?'

"I disguised myself, of course. Plus, I was worried about you. So I decided to come see you."

You smile again. 'You were worried about me?'

I laugh again. "Of course I was worried about you. To hear that you have an illness as serious as delerious fever, and that you have a homicidal ex-girlfriend that can kill with sickness like the one you have, one can't help but worry."

For some reason or another, you smirk. 'Don't worry about Misa.' you spell out. 'I don't think she'll be bothering me anytime soon.'

"Why?" I ask, curious yet confused.

'She came to see me, believe it or not. But don't worry.' you add when you notice my look. 'When I'm out of here, I'll tell you exactly how she kills and even help you catch her.'

"That would be helpful, but if it endangers you..."

You shake your head again. 'It won't endanger me, I promise. I'm not going to leave you just yet.'

"You'd better not."

Once again, your face breaks out into a smile. 'Ryuzaki...I love you. More then you'll ever know.'

I also smile. "I also love you, Light Yagami, more then you'll ever imagine."

Ending A.N: Like I promised, I made this chapter longer. 5 pages, to be exact. Also, I didn't kill Light off. The story wouldn't work right if I killed him off.

The last long chapter I posted felt rushed to some, so I hope that this doesn't feel rushed, or as rushed. =p


	8. Chapter 8

A.N: Well...I can't think of anything to say here that might be important...so I guess the only thing I can say is...enjoy.

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

Finally, after three weeks, I'm out of the stuffy hospital room.

I still have to take some stupid medicine that...well, let's just say it doesn't taste like the sweetest thing in the world.

More like the most disgusting stuff in the UNIVERSE.

I still have to take it though...

Currently, as usual, I'm doing my hacking work.

Only this time, I'm ENJOYING it.

Because it's Misas' hard drive.

Stupid bitch told me her password for the hardware...and it wasn't that hard to find out the username.

It was 'Light4ever'.

Dear god, kill me now.

That was exactly what I said when I found out.

Of course, I got a hard whack on the head from you.

When I asked why, you simply grinned and said nothing.

Then I called you a weirdo.

Usually, that alone would start a fight, but for some reason, you just raised your eyebrows and went back to work.

Maybe you didn't kick me because I was still sick.

I'm not complaining! I'm really not!

...Okay, maybe I am.

You can't blame me for enjoying fights!

...I guess you can, but...

While I was having a little fight with myself my head, I didn't notice that I nearly fell off the chair I was sitting on.

Actually, I didn't notice until I literally FELL from the chair and onto the floor. "Ouch."

"What are you doing?" you ask, but amusement is in the tone.

"DON'T...say anything." I reply, glaring as I get up; dusting myself off.

You laugh, not lightly either.

I just glare and get onto the chair again.

For some reason; go ahead and laugh if you want, I started to sit like you.

It's actually pretty comfy, believe it or not.

"Hey!" Matsuda remarks suddenly. "Do you think Light has turned into a Ryuzaki double?!"

I sigh heavily, grabbing a book. "Matsuda, if you don't want to repeat the face-meets-book again, I suggest THINKING before you speak."

Again, you laugh.

I look at you, confused.

Seems everything I do these days makes you laugh.

Not that I mind.

I actually like it when you laugh.

Matsuda sweatdrops. "Geez, Light, get a sense of humor."

I glare my 'Kira' glare. "What was that?"

"U-Um...nothing."

I smirk. "That's what I thought."

"Matsuda-san..." you say suddenly. "I would not suggest provoking Light in an unnecessary manner. I don't know why, but that medication he's taking is making him quite irritable. Speaking of medication..." you say, looking at me from the corner of your eye.

I groan. "Yeah, yeah. I'll take it."

"And don't try to hide it this time, either!" you say as I go up the stairs.

"Fine, MOM." I say, laughing.

That statement causes Matsuda to laugh, and after a minute, I hear a 'thud'.

I look down the stairs, and Matsuda is sprawled on the floor, probably seeing stars.

Beside him, I see the book I threatened to throw at him.

"Yet again, face-meets-book." you say, shaking your head and covering your eyes. "Stupid Matsuda..."

I laugh again.

You look up the stairs, and smile slightly.

I return it before going to get my medication.

The stuff that is the most disgusiting stuff in the universe.

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V.**

These past three weeks have been hard, but you managed to pull through in the end.

You even have your old sense of humor back.

Something tells me that I do as well.

I'm actually laughing and feeling emotions, something that hasn't happened in a long time.

I can't remember the last time I laughed or felt love.

A LONG time ago.

Hard to imagine that one person can bring out such strong emotions from another.

But you've done it, Light.

I hope that I've done the same for you, as well.

I know that you are Kira, but you've been starting to show emotions that I'd think Kira wouldn't show.

Love, humor, sadness...

How could Kira love anyone?

Moreover, how could you, Light, fall in love with the person that was SUPPOSED to send you to your execution?

Yes, I said 'supposed'.

I'm not going to tell anyone that you are Kira, Light.

Because if I did, I would lose the one person that ever meant anything in my life.

I couldn't live with that.

I couldn't live with the thought that I killed you, Light.

I know that I wouldn't have been the one that actually did the execution, but I would have been the reason that you were ON that execution deathbed.

"Ryuzaki?"

I look over. "Oh, Light. That was quick."

You cock your head, your brown eyes showing confusion. "It doesn't take that long to take medication, you know."

I look into your eyes. It's hard to imagine that you are Kira, when your eyes look so innocent...

"Why are you looking at me funny?" you ask. "Is there something on my face?"

I laugh lightly. "No, Light. It's not that..."

"Then what?"

Concern is easily read in your eyes, mixed with worry.

Concern and worry for ME.

"It's nothing you need to concern yourself with, Light."

You close your eyes, sighing. "Like you said to me the day I got sick...why must you lie to me? Do you not trust me?"

"Of course I trust you." I reply automatically. "It's just..."

"Ah...I get it." you say suddenly. "The fact that I'm Kira and you're the detective that is hunting Kira down is bothering you, right?"

"How did you...?"

You laugh suddenly. "Again, like you told me, a person can read their lovers' emotions like an open book."

I also laugh. "Are you getting all of these punch lines from me?"

"Maybe."

After a few more minutes of laughter, your voice takes on a more serious tone. "I remember you telling me that we'll get through this, no matter who we are...do you still believe that?"

"You don't?"

You shake your head almost instantly. "Of course I still believe that...but..."

"Don't worry about little details like who we are. Love knows no age or gender whatsoever. It also happens when you least expect it. Right?" I ask, smiling a little.

You return it. "Yeah...you're right."

I stand up then, wrapping my arms around you and pulling you into a kiss.

Love knows no age or gender whatsoever.

It happens when you least expect it.

For the first time, I believe that.

Ending A.N: I wouldn't be surprised if this chapter sent people mixed signals. First part was humor, then it took a more serious turn with Ryuzaki. But I guess he's like that...

You managed to get another long chapter out of me...five pages. Congratulations. =D


	9. Chapter 9

A.N: Once again, I can't think of anything important to say...so I guess the only thing I can say is enjoy. =D

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

It seems that Misa's capture is as good as done.

The police went to her house and as soon as she gets home, they're going to swarm it.

That's one thing off of my mind...

Misa will be captured, life will go normally before Kira appeared...before _**I**_ appeared, and...

I don't know what will happen to you.

I know you only came to catch Kira, and you've done that...

Well, you've captured the second Kira.

I'm the first Kira...nothing will change that.

Even if I give up ownership of the Death Note, I'll still have the knowledge that I was Kira...one of the worst mass murderers Japan has ever seen.

I hate evil...so why did I become the very thing I loathed?

I standed for justice...so why did I become a mass murderer?

I told myself once that I would never fall in love...so how did I fall in love with the person that I was supposed to kill?

I know I said 'supposed'.

I won't kill you, Ryuzaki.

Even if you turn on me and send me to my execution...I will never betray or turn my back on the person I love.

I never had...and I never will.

As I was saying earlier...I don't know what will happen to you.

Will I even be alive to find out?

For the first time, I found a reason to be alive...and I don't want to die. I really don't.

I guess the Death Note was good for one thing.

If it wasn't for that..._thing_...I would have never have become Kira and I wouldn't have found love.

A life without love is worse then death, don't you think?

I'm not talking like Kira...I'm talking like _me_.

Like myself; not the dark presence that took over me when I found the notebook.

Maybe it was the original me that fell in love with you...and the darker side of me, Kira, began to fall in love with you also.

Which leads us to here, now.

I look over the skies of Tokyo, letting the wind blow through my hair.

It's hard to imagine when the world looks so peaceful, some people are battling with the evil inside them.

Like me.

I constantly struggle with the fact that I am Kira.

Every single day, those words haunt me...

_"You are Kira, Light Yagami, no matter how much you want to deny it."_

I turn, surprised. "Rem? What are you doing here?"

_"Just because you want to walk away from the fact that you are Kira, doesn't mean that we shinigami will __**let**__ you walk away. Not alive, that is." _Rem says in her emotionless voice, staring with a look that is a death glare. Well, that's what it looks like to me, anyway...

"You're going to kill me?!" I yell at her, surprising anger building inside me. "_**You **_think you can kill _**me?! **_Kira?! I'd like to see you try!"

_"Do not push me, Kira."_

I glare at her. "Yes, I am Kira! So what!? Who says that I can't stop whenever the fuck I want to?!"

I suddenly feel something pushing me off of the edge of the building. _"We, the gods of death, tell you when to stop. Just because you fell in love with the detective that is hunting you down doesn't mean that you can stop your duty of being Kira. If we have too, we will kill the person that you love. Do you really want that, Light Yagami?"_

"Don't you dare!" I scream at Rem. "If you even START to write his name in your Death Note, I'll kill Misa! How about that!?"

I feel cold fingers digging into my shoulder, drawing out blood. _"You won't be alive to even think of writing Misa's name in your Death Note. If you do that, I will kill you with or without the Death Note. So, what would you rather? Your life? Or the life of the one you love?"_

"I don't give a flying fuck if you kill me! Just leave Ryuzaki alone!" I feel small tears building in my eyes, threatening to flow over. "Go ahead...throw me off the roof. Just...please...don't kill him. Please..."

_"A wise choice, Light Yagami."_ Rem says, and I feel her hand releasing me. _"You can't go to heaven or hell...so I guess I won't see you again."_

She releases me completely; I close my eyes, smiling slightly.

"Goodbye...my love."

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V.**

_"Goodbye...my love."_

I jerk my head up suddenly when your voice goes through my mind.

"Light?"

Matsuda looks at me. "What's wrong, Ryuzaki?"

I get a bad feeling...like something has happened on the roof. "Matsuda-san, show me the images from the roof."

"Yeah, no problem."

He brings up the monitors, and I'm greeted with my worst nightmare.

Something is pushing you off of the roof, and then whatever it was lets go...and you begin to descend into a death fall to earth.

"No! Light!"

"Whoa!" Matsuda says, staring. "What the hell is he doing? Commiting suicide?!"

I get up from my chair; running out of the room.

Please god...don't let him hit the earth before I get there...

**Outside...**

I don't know how, but just as I got outside, you were about to hit the ground.

Running to the spot where you would have most likely lost your life, I manage to catch you, which makes me fall on my back.

"Light? Light!"

"Ungh...what..." you mumble, your eyes opening. "R-Ryuzaki? What are you...what am I...wasn't I on the roof?"

For the first time in years, tears build in my eyes; spilling over. "You...you idiot! Do you have any idea what you would've done to me if you died?! I would've..."

"Hey, hey...calm down..." you say, reaching up and brushing away my tears. "I'm...ungh!"

It is then I notice that your shoulder has a horrid wound; blood gushing out at an incredible yet deadly rate.

You smile slightly. "Is this...how it ends? Dying in your lovers' arms?" you laugh a little. "Just like in the movies..."

"Don't...say anything. Don't waste your strength..." I say, holding you close. "You aren't going to die...not now..."

Suddenly, ambulance sirens ring out.

I guess Matsuda was smart enough to call 911...

As they put you on a strecher and speed away, I just stare.

Then I finally break down.

Ending A.N: Well, there you have it. If that seemed rushed, I'm sorry. It took me forever to even get ON a computer, so...

I hope this was an enjoyable chapter to some. =D


	10. Chapter 10

A.N: I know that this is an overdue chapter, I know, and for that I apologize. I'm not going to make any excuses for why this wasn't up sooner...but if you want a reason, check out my profile.

Besides that, enjoy the next installment. =D

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

It was dark...and for some reason...it was cold.

Too cold...

Just when the blackness was about to devour me...

I wake up.

**-----------**

I sit up; panting heavily.

I hear a beeping noise...an oddly familiar beeping noise...

I look over; there is a heart monitor.

Again.

Why am I in a hospital...again?

Oh, that's right.

I fell off of the roof...and I remember crying...

I lay back down on the bed, sighing heavily.

Why do all the bad things happen to me...happen to US?

What did you ever do to deserve all this?

I've done plenty; killed thousands...for my own selfish purposes.

How more heartless can a person get?

Sacrifice peoples' lives just to acheive their own goals.

I don't deserve to be alive right now...I should've died...

_'Do you have any idea what I would've done if you had died on me?! I would've...'_

A small smile makes it's way onto my lips.

Ryuzaki...

I can't die...because you need me.

That is my only reason for living.

You are the breath that I need to survive.

You are...everything.

Without you...there is nothing.

My life would be pointless.

I know that is kind of pathetic; one person can't survive without the other...but that's just the game called love.

The one where you die if you lose.

That's what it would feel like to me if you ever left me.

I remember Misa saying to me once when we first met...

_'Yeah, but to me...Light is more important then the world...'_

Or it was something around that effect.

Well, to me, you are more important then the world, Ryuzaki.

Even more important then Kira.

Was Kira even important to begin with?

Sure, he got rid of criminals and all that bullshit...but was it really worth the pain and suffering that others had to go through?

No, it wasn't.

_"Could it be that you have a human heart after all? I'm going to die of shock."_

I look over...

And it's Ryuk.

"Well, hello to you as well." I say sarcastically. "And what the hell did you mean by that comment?"

_"Don't get all defensive."_ Ryuk says, laughing. _"It's just that the Light Yagami I know would never have thought such love struck and mushy thoughts."_

"Well, that's what happens when you fall in love. Look it up, genius."

_"Oooh...snippy. What's your problem?"_

"My problem is that people can never leave me...us...alone! What did he ever do to deserve all this agony I'm putting him through?! Eh?!"

_"Damn...you really love him, don't you?" _

"Of course I love him...he means everything to me..." I look up at the ceiling, but for some reason, it's a little blurred...

_"What are you crying about?" _Ryuk sighed, handing me a napkin. _"If it's about what I said, sorry. Jeez."_

I take it from him; wiping my eyes. "It's not that...I just wish people would leave us alone. I mean, is loving someone of the same gender really that bad?"

_"I dunno. A lot of people are homophobic in this country, aren't they? So I guess, to some people, it is bad..."_

"Well they should learn how to accept people the way they are, or to leave them the fuck alone!" I scream, outraged.

_"Yikes...calm down."_

"Argh! This sucks!" I say, exhausted; sitting up in the hospital bed.

"Light-san, are you all right?" a nurse asks, walking into the room. "You screamed just now..."

"It's nothing...just tired, I suppose." I reply, smiling slightly. "Sorry for the trouble."

"Not a problem, Light-san." the nurse says, then winks. "I actually came in here to tell you that your boyfriend is here to see you."

"My...boyfriend...?" I ask, then my eyes widen. "He's here to see me? Me?"

"Yes; in fact, he's right here."

She moves out of the way...

And you're there, smiling at me.

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V.**

Seems every time I come to see you, you're shocked to see me.

Not that I'm surprised.

I rarely go out of the building to see anyone...but you are a different case, Light.

I couldn't get you out of my mind after the ambulance took you to the hospital.

I kept thinking 'What's if he's hurt worse than I thought? What if...'

Basically, a lot of 'What if' questions.

So I decided to come see you at the hospital...again.

This is the second time you were in the hospital...

For what?

You were Kira, I know that.

So what?

Does that give people the right to beat up on you?

Well, to me, it doesn't give them the right.

It just gives them the right to be mad at you...

I laugh mentally.

That doesn't sound like me at all.

It sounds like someone trying to protect the one that is most precious to them...the one they can't live without.

To me, that would be you, Light.

You are everything to me.

Without you, my life would be nothing...just living on, day by day; not caring what tomorrow is going to bring...

That was what my life was before I fell in love with you...nothing.

The nurse that led me here smiles. "Well, I'll leave you two alone for now. Take care of him, okay?" she says, winking at me.

I just nod. "Of course."

She smiles again and leaves...leaving us alone.

"Ryuzaki...what are you doing here again? Don't you have something better to do then see someone as cold hearted and heartless as me?"

I shake my head. "Light, you're seeing yourself in a negative way. I don't see you like that at all. All I see you as is a smart person who means the world to me. That's all I see. I don't see Kira; I don't see this cold and heartless person you see. I don't see any of that. I just see you, Light Yagami, my lover."

You stare at me, your eyes wide. "Really...? That's all you see? But Ryuzaki...you don't know what I've done. I've ruined god knows how many lives. I was using someone who loved me. I was planning to kill anybody and anyone. Even you..."

I smile slightly. "Tell me Light...do you feel remorse for that? Do you still want to kill me?"

"Yes...I feel remorse for ruining so many lives. No...I don't want to kill you. You...are everything to me. Why would I want to kill my reason for living?"

"Then you are not cold and heartless. A cold and heartless person would feel no remorse for doing what you did...and a cold and heartless person would still want to kill me. You know that, don't you?"

You close your eyes. "I do know that...yet..."

I sit on the bed beside you, pulling you into an embrace. "Light...one day you will not see yourself this way...and you will not be Kira. I know this and so do you. I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens. So you'll never be alone. I love you too much to leave you alone. All right?"

I hear a small sob. "Yes...I know. I also love you...more then you'll ever know...believe that..."

"I do believe it, Light."

Ending A.N: Well, there you have it. This story is nearing it's end...maybe twelve to fourteen chapters should do it. I hope that this chapter was worth the eleven day wait. =D


	11. Chapter 11

A.N: This update took a lot longer then I thought. I thought I'd have it up in my usual update zone, but some unexpected things happened so I had to put this off. Hopefully you guys didn't think I forgot about ya. =D

Enjoy the next installment.

True Feelings

**Light's P.O.V.**

Everything is almost over.

Misa execution date is set, get this, it's on my BIRTHDAY.

When I found out about it, I couldn't help but snicker. Misa dying on my birthday...

Kind of like a birthday present.

I couldn't ask for anything better.

This Kira madness will soon be over...or will it?

It's true that with Misa gone, there will be no reason for me to hold onto the Death Note...but can I really give everything up just like that?

Give up the ideals I used to have? The vision that I used to dream of?

Yes...I have to. I have a choice...

But if I had to choose between Kira and the one that I love, I would choose the one I love.

Kira can easily be someone else...but that's not why I'm going to give up the Death Note.

I'm giving it up because I'm tired of all the lies, all the accusations, all the hate...I'm sick and tired of every single thing that Kira has brought into my life.

I want to get rid of it. Rid of it all...

And become a normal person again.

I want to be Light Yagami...not Kira.

"Light...?"

I turn on my side to face you. "What is it?"

"Are you all right?" you ask, reaching over and brushing away something wet...wait...am I crying?

"I...don't know." I say, closing my eyes. "I don't know if I'm all right. I want to be myself again, but it's going to be hard...knowing that I was the world's worst mass murderer..."

You wrap your arms around me, and I bury my face into your shoulder. "It'll be hard, no doubt about that...but you'll get through it. I know that you will. Like I told you before, I'll always be here for you. So don't worry."

I smile through the tears that somehow managed to slip from my eyes. "I know...and that's what I afraid of..."

"Hmm?" you ask, confusion in the tone. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean...what if...I become Kira again somehow? What if I end up wanting to kill you again? I don't know...what I'd do..."

I feel your fingers running through my hair soothingly. "Don't worry about things that are not likely to happen. The chances that you would become Kira again are...less then 5 percent."

"You and your damn numbers." I say, then smirk slightly. "But then again, they were always accurate...so I shouldn't worry too much about it...right...?"

"Yes...you shouldn't worry too much about it."

Something goes under my chin and lifts my face up, and I stare into concerned black eyes.

I smile slightly. "Don't worry about me anymore, okay? I can take care of myself, at least I think I can."

You return the smile. "All right...but I'll be there to catch you if you fall."

Then you lean down and claim my lips in a soft, yet passionate kiss.

_The next morning..._

"Morning you two." Matsuda says when the two of us come downstairs.

"Good morning, Matsuda-san." you say, and I just nod.

Matsuda looks at me. "What's with him? Downcast eyes and all."

"Think before you speak, Matsuda-san."

I look up at him and smirk. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine."

"Sometimes I wonder." Matsuda says smartly, and I glare at him.

"Sometimes **I **wonder if you can be more of a jerk then you're being right now."

"Jeez Light, calm. down. I was only making a point. Or is that you still have some of the Kira powers in you, hmm?"

My eyes widen slightly, my hand reaching up and gripping the front of my shirt. "I – I'm not...I mean..." I close my eyes in pain.

"Matsuda-san! Watch what you're saying!" you say in an angered voice.

"Sorry man. Forgot that the injury you have kinda effects your heart...though I don't know why..."

I crack one of my eyes open, looking at him. "I don't know why either...but it does..."

After the pain stopped, I sigh heavily, opening my eyes again. "Well, that was unexpected..."

Something pulls on my arm, and my head suddenly goes against someone's shoulder. "Well, the doctor did say that people should watch what they're saying around you, or your heart may act up again. The injury you suffered was quite serious. They were surprised that you didn't die that night."

I smile slightly, a content sigh escaping my lips. "Well...I had a reason not to die."

Matsuda grins slightly. "Man, you two really dig each other, don't you?"

You tilt your head, but a small smile graced your face. "I suppose so. Though I would suggest that you work on your choice of words."

I laugh. "Ryu-chan, when will you learn that Matsuda doesn't know proper Japanese?"

Matsuda fumed; I could literally see the steam coming out of his ears. "You know, Light, you've become a real jerk lately. But I guess that's better than a..."

"Matsuda..." you say in a dangerously low voice. "Unless you want to give him a stress related heart attack, I HIGHLY suggest keeping your mouth SHUT."

I tilt my head. Stress related heart attack? What the hell was my Ryu-chan talking about?

"How could I take a stress related heart attack?" I ask, confused. "The wound was to my shoulder. So why should it affect my heart?"

"It would affect your heart because the injury you suffered was dangerously close to it." you explain, smiling slightly. "The doctors said that if the injury was even an inch closer, whatever caused the injury would have pierced your heart in the process. Which means you would've died."

"Oh..." I mutter, lowering my eyes. Seems I had all the lucky breaks...

All of a sudden, pain starts to erupt in my chest; like my heart is getting all the life sucked out of it.

I clutch my chest, gasping heavily and falling to my knees on the floor. "A...ah..."

Matsuda's eyes widened. "You've got to be kidding. Is Light taking...a HEART ATTACK?!"

"Light?!" you kneel beside me; gripping my shoulders. "Light!! What is it?!"

I look up at you through pain filled eyes and smile. "R – Ryu...I guess...this is...goodbye..."

With that last sentence, my breath stops and my eyes close.

The last thing I see is Matsuda's shocked face and the pained yet agonized face my Ryu-chan.

**Ryuzaki's P.O.V**

My own eyes widen as soon as yours close.

My Li-chan slumps in my arms, your body unmoving and your skin becoming pale.

I press two fingers against your neck...and there's nothing.

No pulse...which only means...

You're dead.

Everything becomes blurred, and I hold your lifeless body close to me. "Li-chan...you promised me that...you'd never leave, damn you! So why now?! Just when everything was over...you take a bloody heart attack!! Why?!"

I didn't realize I was crying until Matsuda hands me a tissue. "Here." he says in a shocked voice.

I take it from him, wiping my eyes with a trembling hand.

Misa-san...you did this, didn't you?!

Since you knew your execution was near, you decided to kill yourself in order to kill Light! Heartless...

"_How the hell did I know that Misa was going to kill him?" _

I hear a voice, but can't see anything.

"_Light's watch...there's a piece of the Death Note in there. Touch that, and you'll be able to see me."_

I lift your hand up to take off your watch, and it falls against your chest lifelessly.

I fight back the tears as I use the combination for the secret compartment to the watch, and it pops open, a piece of paper in it.

I take it out, and a black Shinigami suddenly appears at the far side of the room.

It gives a creepy looking grin. _"So you're the famous Ryuzaki, Light's lover, eh? Interesting."_

"Who are you?" I ask, while Matsuda looks at me like I'm nuts.

"_Name's Ryuk. I've been Light's Shinigami ever since he took hold of the Death Note...and let me tell you something. From the first day you two met, Light has always felt some strange human attraction to you, which evolved into love over time. So you've always been important to him, whether the prick showed it or not."_

I glare at the Shinigami. "My Li-chan is NOT a prick. FAR from it."

"_Yikes, overprotective boyfriend."_ Ryuk says, laughing in his strange shinigami voice. _"Anyways...you want to bring him back to life, don't you? There's a way, and since you never used a Death Note in the first place, there's no consequences. At least, I don't think so." _

"How?" I ask almost desperately. "Whatever it is, I'll do it. Even if I have to go to hell to get him."

"_Right now, Light is neither in heaven nor hell. You could say...he's trapped in nothingness. And the way is that you go to where his soul is and bring it back. And only the Shinigami can send you where his soul is currently at. But for how long he's in nothingness...couldn't tell ya."_

"What is this 'nothingness'?"

"_It's a place where the soul looks back on everything he or she did in life. It also decides where the soul is sent. If it was a relatively pure soul, it gets sent to heaven. If it's life was filled with hate and evil, it gets sent to hell. And for Death Note users...their souls get crushed after a period of time in the nothingness. It's the Death Note's punishment for using it in the first place. However, if the human had someone he or she deeply loved and the other human returned those feelings, the one that is still alive can go to the realm and save their soul. But only the Shinigami can send the other human to the realm of nothingness._"

"Please...send me to where my love is. I don't...I CAN'T...loose his soul. I can't...live without him in my life..."

"_Wow. That's the first time I've seen someone so...DEVOTED...to the one they love." _Ryuk chanted in some weird language, and a portal opened in the middle of the room. _"There you go. You have two hours to save him. If you can't...his soul will be destroyed and you'll be sent back to the land of the living."_

I nod, a determined look on my face. "All right...and if I can't save him...you may write my name in your Death Note."

With that last sentence, I step into the portal.

_Light...wait for me. I'm coming for you...my love._

Ending A.N: Well, that was certainly a twist on the story, wasn't it? Sorry if Light or Ryuzaki seemed OOC. One or two more chapters, and this should be completed. I might post a sequel...you never know. Sorry that this chapter was EXTREMELY overdue. (sweatdrop)

I know that people aren't supposed to be able to hear the Shinigami's voice if they never touched it before...but I just bent the rules a little. Hopefully people didn't mind that.

I also made them call each other Li-chan and Ryu-chan...but that was because between a little game I'm playing with a fellow authoress and reviewer (you know who you are! winks) we ended up calling them that. And some other creative things. (smirk)


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